miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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