I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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