there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
