oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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