I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
