My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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