My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
