I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
