need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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