she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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