Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize