i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
