He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize