is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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