do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
