This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
