these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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