if only i could text you this smell
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
