I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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