Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
