she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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