...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
