I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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