the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So squirting runs in the family.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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