What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
