Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
