A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
