I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
