There was a lot of him and a little penis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
