**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
