Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of course I have a pirate flag
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
