my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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