Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
