my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
