You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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