the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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