shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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