Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
