if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
