one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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