yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
