I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
