Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
