If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
