Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
