I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
