I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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