She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
