The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
