Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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