I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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