My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
