Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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