Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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