I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
