Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
