My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
