Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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