Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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