Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
