Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
