HIV tests are more positive than that guy
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
