One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
