how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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