STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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