is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Girls should come with a carfax report
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
