this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
