Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
