Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
