Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize