It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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