I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
